By Susan Mng'ei
Laikipia University
I imagined that becoming an adult would mean having freedom, making my own decisions, and finally understanding where my life was headed.
But nobody really tells you what happens when adulthood arrives before you feel ready for it.
Suddenly, you are expected to understand responsibilities you were never taught to handle. You are supposed to make wise decisions, support the people you love, pursue your dreams, and remain strong—even on days when you barely know how to hold yourself together.
At twenty, I am beginning to understand that growing up is not always about becoming independent. Sometimes, it is about learning how to navigate uncertainty while still trying to discover who you are.
When responsibility comes early
There is a certain pressure that comes with being young and watching the people around you struggle. You may still be trying to understand your own life, yet you find yourself worrying about your family, finances, education, and the future.
Sometimes, you want to express your own pain, but you look at what someone else is going through and decide that your problems can wait.
You become the person who says, "I'm fine," even when you are not.
Not because you have everything figured out, but because you do not want to add to the burdens already surrounding you.
This is one of the quiet realities of growing up: learning to carry responsibilities while still needing someone to remind you that you, too, deserve support.
The pressure to have everything figured out
Society often makes adulthood seem like a carefully planned journey. By a certain age, you are expected to know what you want, where you are going, and how you will get there.
But real life rarely follows a straight path.
Some young adults are still discovering their passions. Others are struggling to find financial stability. Some are pursuing education while wondering whether their efforts will lead to the future they imagine.
There is also the pressure of watching other people appear to succeed. Social media can make it seem as though everyone else is moving forward while you remain stuck in the same place.
What we often forget is that people rarely display their confusion, disappointments, or private struggles. We see their achievements, but not always the battles behind them.
Learning to put yourself first
Growing up also means learning that caring for others should not require you to abandon yourself.
For some people, saying no feels selfish. Expressing hurt feels like creating conflict. Asking for reassurance feels like being too demanding.
As a result, they remain silent, hoping that the people around them will notice what they are unable to say.
But silence does not always protect relationships. Sometimes, it only hides problems until they become heavier.
Maturity should not mean pretending that nothing hurts. It should also involve learning how to communicate, establish boundaries, and acknowledge your own needs.
There is nothing wrong with loving people deeply while still choosing to take care of yourself.
The uncertainty of tomorrow
One of the most difficult parts of becoming an adult is accepting that the future is not guaranteed to look the way you imagined.
You may have dreams that seem distant. You may work hard and still experience setbacks. You may make plans only to discover that circumstances have changed.
These moments can make adulthood feel overwhelming.
However, uncertainty does not necessarily mean failure. Sometimes, it simply means that a person is still in the process of becoming.
Not having all the answers at twenty does not mean that life is already falling apart. It means there is still room to learn, change direction, and grow.
Growing, even when it hurts
Growing up before you are ready can be painful. It can mean making difficult choices, facing responsibilities, and learning lessons you never expected to encounter so soon.
But it can also teach resilience, empathy, patience, and self-awareness.
The goal should not be to become someone who never struggles. Instead, it should be to become someone who can acknowledge their struggles without allowing them to define their entire identity.
Young adults need more than constant reminders to work hard and be strong. They also need understanding, guidance, safe spaces, and the freedom to admit that they do not always know what they are doing.
Perhaps growing up is not about having everything under control.
Perhaps it is about taking one step at a time, learning from our experiences, and giving ourselves permission to be unfinished.
Because sometimes, the people who appear strongest are also the ones who need to hear this the most:
You do not have to have your entire life figured out just because you are growing up.
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